How to select a Spouse

select a Spouse

  • Islam: the first and most necessary, or to be more accurate, the compulsory rule for having a spouse is to get married to a Muslim. Allah (SWT) says in his book: “Don’t marry pagan (women) until they become Muslim.” (Quran, 2, 221). Noting the verse above, no Muslim man can get married to a pagan woman, and no Muslim woman can get married to a pagan man. Although it is permissible to marry a book-owner (Christian or Jew) woman, it’s still advisable to select a Muslim woman instead of a Jew or Christian. But it’s significant to note that a Muslim woman can’t get married to a Christian or Jew in any case.
  • The Spouse Should be Pious: from an Islamic point of view, virtue is the most important and compelling criterion. The prophet of Allah (SAW) says: “A woman is married looking to one of the four criteria. (She is married) for her wealth, or for her pedigree, or for her beauty, or for her virtue. So, get success with the virtuous one.” (Sahih Muslim and Sahih Bukhari). As we can note from this hadith, the prophet of Allah (SAW) has commanded to marry among these types of women, a woman who is virtuous and pious. Because your life would be better and happier with a virtuous wife or husband in contrast to a beautiful or wealthy one. One who may make your life successful, and lead you to Jannah, too. In short, Virtue is the merit found in a person that couldn’t be compared to any other attributes.
  • Your Spouse should be Courteous: the prophet (SAW) says that this world is the substance of joy, and the best substance in this world is a righteous woman.” (Sahih Muslim). In addition, the prophet (SAW) says: “When someone, whose Deen and moral satisfy you, come to marry (your daughter), so marry her to him.” Note that here again, not only a righteous and polite woman is meant, indeed this criterion should be in both male and female spouses. Moral and good behavior is the key to every success in life, as the prophet (SAW) says: “There’s nothing heavier in the scale on the Day of Judgment than morality.”
  • Choose a Loving Spouse: this criterion couldn’t be normally sensed. Since it’s an inner and spiritual one. But if one tries, he/she can find someone whose heart is full of love, mercy, and sympathy. And if he/she can, it would be one of the most interesting factors for making the rest of her life full of happiness. The prophet of Allah (SAW) says: “marry with a loving and begetting woman, for that I would be proud of your majority in contrast to other groups on the Day of Judgment.” (Abu Dawod). A loving spouse may not give you a luxurious life. He/she may not have much to spend on you. But he/she can give a pure love, something that’s found so scarcely nowadays. And of course, something scarce is always beautiful and valuable than others that can be found in plenty amounts.
  • Find a Competitive Spouse: the scholars have identified in their texts that your spouse should be your competitor. It means he/she should be equal to you in reference to virtue, education, ancestry, and wealth. Furthermore, it can be in some other merits, too. This rule is put by scholars because some people find it difficult to marry someone who is in a lower economic, educational, and righteous state. Indeed, we can say that this is a psychological fact found in human beings. However, it should be noted that if someone can compromise by having not equal and competitive spouse, he/she can do it without any problem in Sharia.

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